14

Today was my son's 14th birthday. So many things about this day point to how much he has grown. I woke up to a yard full of streamers and signs(thanks to a group of teenage girls that live down the street). I dropped him and a friend off at a water park for the day- the first birthday that involved more time with friends than with family. The gifts are even changing- hats, knives, guns- only now they're not pretend. In a month he'll be starting high school.

But I still get glimpses of the little boy that used to climb up in my lap and ask for a piece of my drink. He went to bed early last night because he wanted his birthday to get here faster. He told me the other day he could tell a kid in our neighborhood was becoming a better person because he had started wearing polos and tucking his shirts in. He saved his ticket stub from last week when we went to see Toy Story 3. He almost knocked my end table over yesterday racing through the house with the dog.

Am I desperately searching for signs of any little boy left? Yes. It is so hard to watch childhood end. It's the beginning of a new phase of his life but it's also the end of one- and it's almost like mourning the death of something. Mostly I'm excited to watch him grow and change but then there are moments I could just cry becuase I want to hold that little boy one more time. I want to look for bugs with him in the yard and race him down the hill and have him stand on the chair in the kitchen to help me make brownies. I want to trip over his matchbox cars and discuss whether a jaguar or a warrior would win in a fight.

I may not get those times again but I'm so glad I have had them. I love my girls dearly but I would not trade those little boy moments for anything in the world. And I know the years to come will hold just as many that are dear to my heart. Happy 14th birthday, buddy.