Organic

We are going organic at my house as much as possible. We haven't become health nuts by any stretch of the imagination but I am trying to buy organic on the food items that we eat on a regular basis. We are not going to be one of those families that will ONLY eat organic foods for a couple of reasons. The first being- it's just too hard. It's enough of a challenge to plan meals around sports, school, and diabetes- if I narrow my options down to organic only- there would be some hungry people in my house! The second reason is less of a reason and more of a person- Halle Meghan.

Halle is my 9 year old and she is full of sass. Not the disrespectful sass but the I-know-exactly-who-I-am-and-what-I-want kind of sass. And she emphatically does NOT want organic. Specifically- she does not want organic milk. "I do not drink this stuff" she tells me every time I buy it. Now there are many food items I will compromise on- but milk is one that I strictly buy organic. The kids drink too much of it and regular milk has too much junk added to it- plus you really cannot taste any difference. Peanut butter, I understand- you can definitely tell a difference in the taste. But if I poured that milk into a regular container she would never know it was organic. Just the word- organic- grosses her out. "I don't like anything organic" she says, drawing out the word organic, like just saying it might make her sick, emphasized by a very disgusted look on her face. "It's gross!" And I tell her every time that I don't think she understands what organic is. Something that is grown naturally without adding chemicals or being genetically altered is not gross- it's normal. It's how food should be.
But Halle doesn't care- organic is new on the label- she doesn't get it and she doesn't care. It's foreign so it can't be good. It takes away the comfort of her having what she is used to in favor of some unknown thing she doesn't understand. As adults- we see the childishness in this kind of thinking but we rarely notice how often we act the same way. Only not about food- about things that really matter- like people or experiences or new ways of thinking or doing things. It's foreign- we don't like it- we've never seen it done that way before. It messes with our tradition and therefore it messes with us.
I think God is doing a new thing in the church and many people aren't going to like it. He is moving us out of religious duty into intimate relationship- it's a good thing. But we like our duties. We like thinking our 40 day fast can summon the presence of God- it is empowering to think we have that kind of control. But He is shaking our paradigms. He will shake everything away that is based on our works or our goodness. The Cross happened for a reason- because our works and our goodness could never be enough. Our righteousness is like filthy rags- yes, even you 40 day fasters- you are wearing rags if you are not clothed with His righteousness. And the life He wants is something many of us have never seen before- living daily in His presence -unconcerned with what others feel should be our Christian duty because we live to please only Him, to obey Him daily. No formulas, no guaranteed outcomes (I can hear the outcry already)...just daily trusting that no matter what happens- He is enough.
And we balk at this because we lose control- it becomes all about Him and not about us- because like Halle, we just don't get it- not yet anyway. We don't get that this is a much better thing He is offering us. Just ask Him about this shift. Don't take my word on it- ask Him what He wants to do and what it looks like for your life (He's very personal that way- remember- no formulas)
One day, Halle will understand organic is a good thing and will be glad it was something she was offered. We will be the same with Him and His glorious offer to do a new thing.

ill-advised

I went in for an ultra sound the other day and was talking to the tech about all the advances in medicine. He was telling me that soon a doctor in London will be doing robotic surgeries on people in the US or vice-versa. When Kenzie and Regan were little- like 3- Kenzie whispered something into Regan's ear and the response we heard was "I don't think that's a berry dood idea, Tenzie". This was my precise thought as I envisioned lying unconscious on a table, sliced open by a machine operated by someone thousands of miles away...I don't think that's a berry dood idea.
There is a fine line between something being technological advancement and just plain ill-advised. And how do you know when you are the person stuck in the dark ages or the voice of wisdom? I don't know. Sometimes I think we have all this knowledge with very little wisdom but we are compelled to move forward. To try and fail. It's not just the American way- it's the human spirit. God has put in us the desire to create and grow and learn. But sometimes we get a little too big for our britches. (reference the Tower of Babel) We cross the line from creating to control and manipulation- never God's intent. Probably not ours either when we start out, but somewhere we cross the line. We want to end sickness and suffering and death but we can't. We never will. Only a Savior can do these things and we try hard to be our own- but we fall miserably short every time. So do we quit trying? Where is the line between creating and control? Dedication and striving? I don't know- I do know this life is tricky business without laying it all at His feet, letting Him examine the motives of our heart- and it is flat-out impossible without the Only One who can truly save, heal, and deliver.

Backward

Last night marked the kickoff of high school football. Since my son is a freshman- this is a new experience for me. We started at 4 with a pep rally followed by a team meal- then everyone was transported to the field for a 7:30 game that lasted until 10:45. This was a varsity game but the JV team was required to dress out and attend with a few promised some playing time- my son being one of those. He did not get any, not even one minute on the field.

We drove him and one of his friends home and as we discussed the night's game talk inevitably turned to last year's season. Aahh- middle school football, the glory days for Brandt and Sam- the fastest 2 on the team, coaches favorites, teammates heroes...They relived moments and glories until they finally both said-"I wish I could go back! If they would let me I would go back now and show those kids how to play and run the ball!"

Have you ever heard of high schoolers wanting to go back to middle school? High school is a promotion- you're moving forward, growing up. But these boys are longing to go backward. Not that I can blame them on this one. Sitting in the stands for 4 hours and watching kids play you don't even know is not a lot of fun to me, especially compared to watching my MVP in on every play last year. Why does a promotion feel so much like they're going backward?

The Israelites felt the same way when they left Egypt and were promoted to the desert. They left slavery to be free people but then God took them to the desert! What was He thinking? They could have loved and served Him so much better from the Promised Land- but He drags them into the desert without even as much food and water as they had in Egypt. And they tell Him- they are not happy about it- they even decide at some point they want to go back to Egypt!

Brandt and Sam are great athletes and great football players- they will play again regularly. But this season they are learning. No matter how much they want to be- they are not Varsity players yet, not fully. But they can't go back. In their case- they physically cannot go back to being younger. But if they could- they still couldn't- not if they ever wanted to get better than an 8th grade player. They have to be around players that are better than them- they have to learn some new things, become more seasoned- then when it's their turn for Varsity- they will be ready.

We all enter seasons where we feel like God has dropped us into some hole and want to go back to where we were. We think we could do such great things if He would just put us in the game!But sometimes this is part of the process. We need time to learn, to grow, to become more seasoned in His Word and His Presence. Sometimes we have been through a trying season and we just need to rest and let Him strengthen us physically, mentally, or emotionally. Whatever the reason-we need to let God have His way and if we do, I promise we won't spend 40 years in the hole like the Israelites in the desert!

What's happening?

I have noticed a common lament among the people I know- I don't understand what God is doing! So many things are happening in the lives of people that don't seem to make any sense and it is hard to see how God is working when just getting through the day seems overwhelming. We so want to understand and we think if He would just tell us what He is doing or when the breakthrough is coming- then we could hang on, then we could have faith. John 2 verse 22 completely disproves this theory.
Jesus has just turned water to wine and now He's told everyone He can rebuild the temple in 3 days. Wow. This inevitably brings some questions. But the verse after these is what is so interesting. It says after He was raised from the dead , the disciples remembered what He had said- "THEN they believed the Scripture and the words Jesus had spoken." (emphasis mine)
He told them right then and there what He was planning to do but they couldn't comprehend what He was telling them. They didn't get it until he went to the Cross and rose from the dead. I would venture to say that until we go through the death- of whatever it may be we have to die to...our expectations, our ambitions, our desires...we are unable to understand what He is doing. We usually have too much of our own stuff in the way to see where God is going with his stuff. But when we look back we see, THEN we believe.
I think this is beautifully illustrated when Moses asked to see God's glory. You know the story- God passes by and Moses can't see God's face and live but he gets a glimpse of God's back.
We usually can't see where God is, but we can always tell where He's been! True for Moses, true for the disciples, and still true for us. We can't comprehend what His plan is in our situations but if we let Him have His way with us through the death- we will see the resurrection- we will see where He has been. And it has been with us and for us all along.

Wine

Summer is over. The lazy days are gone, replaced by the flurry of fall sports and school activities. Ironically, though, I have more time for reading and writing now that we are back in the swing of things. I have been reading the book of John lately. In the 2nd chapter, Jesus performs his first miracle- water to wine. I always wonder why this as his first? It seems so insignificant and trivial- almost like a parlor trick a magician would do, not the Messiah coming to redeem His people. So I asked Him today as I read- why this? He led me to do a little research.
In the Jewish custom, wine is used to signify the sanctity and purity of the event. It was no accident that Jesus used wine at a wedding for His first miracle considering the great significance wine plays in Jewish life. Wine is used still today in traditional Jewish weddings and the Passover Seder. The Jewish marriage is called "Kiddushin" meaning betrothal or consecration. The Kaddesh is a blessing spoken over the wine at a Passover Seder. Kaddesh means "sanctification" and comes from the Hebrew root "Qof-Dalet-Shin"meaning "holy". Holy sanctification- starting to sound less trivial, isn't it?You probably noticed the similarity between Kiddushin and Kaddesh-this shows the holy and meaningful relationship between wine and marriage to the Jewish people.
I probably don't need to connect the dots but here is one more thing He showed me as I reread the passage. He took the water jars used for ceremonial washing and told the servants to fill them with water. This is so amazing to me! Verses I have read a million times but His Word is so rich we can never exhaust all there is to learn about who He is. He sets the stage with this first miracle for all He came to do! The ceremonial washing that represented the Law and man's futile attempts at making himself clean are taken and filled with His holy sanctification that represented not only His life consecrated and laid down for our salvation but His betrothal to us as His bride. He didn't just come to save us and make us holy but to enter into a meaningful, intimate relationship with us. It wasn't just any wine- it was the BEST wine! He brings us the very best- His very self!

14

Today was my son's 14th birthday. So many things about this day point to how much he has grown. I woke up to a yard full of streamers and signs(thanks to a group of teenage girls that live down the street). I dropped him and a friend off at a water park for the day- the first birthday that involved more time with friends than with family. The gifts are even changing- hats, knives, guns- only now they're not pretend. In a month he'll be starting high school.

But I still get glimpses of the little boy that used to climb up in my lap and ask for a piece of my drink. He went to bed early last night because he wanted his birthday to get here faster. He told me the other day he could tell a kid in our neighborhood was becoming a better person because he had started wearing polos and tucking his shirts in. He saved his ticket stub from last week when we went to see Toy Story 3. He almost knocked my end table over yesterday racing through the house with the dog.

Am I desperately searching for signs of any little boy left? Yes. It is so hard to watch childhood end. It's the beginning of a new phase of his life but it's also the end of one- and it's almost like mourning the death of something. Mostly I'm excited to watch him grow and change but then there are moments I could just cry becuase I want to hold that little boy one more time. I want to look for bugs with him in the yard and race him down the hill and have him stand on the chair in the kitchen to help me make brownies. I want to trip over his matchbox cars and discuss whether a jaguar or a warrior would win in a fight.

I may not get those times again but I'm so glad I have had them. I love my girls dearly but I would not trade those little boy moments for anything in the world. And I know the years to come will hold just as many that are dear to my heart. Happy 14th birthday, buddy.

Yancy

Yancy was 2 years older than me. I was in 6th grade, he was in 8th- but I knew the first time I saw his super tan skin and white-blond surfer hair- he was the one for me. When you live in Florida- particularly in the 80's- there was no look that could beat the surfer look. Alas- we had little contact since my middle school separated 6th grade from everyone else. We were in our own separate building, quarantined from the truly interesting kids- especially the surfers. It was like pergatory- no longer in elementary school but not quite in middle school. We might catch glimpses of the older kids as we passed through the main building on our way to the cafeteria but usually they were behind closed doors locked away in class. But on this day it was as if the stars aligned and fate would have its way- Yancy was sent to the 6th grade building right as we were changing classes. I was in the hallway with my best friend, Molly, as he burst through the double doors- his hair blindingly bright in the sun. Not only was he right here but on this particular dayI had brought my camera to school. It is amazing how quickly two middle school girls can concoct a plan- mere milliseconds and we knew exactly what to do.
We followed him at a safe distance down the crowded hallway carefukl not to lose him( made easier by the hair)- he finally turned and went into a relatively empty classroom- Molly called out "Yancy!" and when he turned around I snapped his picture. Then we ran.
I will admit the last phase of this plan needed a little work- but overall it was a success. He looked like a deer in headlights in the photo but it captured his shiny white hair perfectly. So now I had a picture of him, knew where he went to school, where he lived, I even knew what his dad did for a living ( not hard since he owned the coolest surf shop in town, of course). By all appearances, Yancy and I were pretty tight. Except for one thing- I had never actually spoken to him( something I had effectively secured as permanent since the picture incident).

A lot of us approach our relationship with Christ the same way. We know who He is, who His Dad is, what He likes and dislikes, we have the Book He's written prominently displayed in our home- we can even quote some of the more famous things He's said...but we've never actually talked with Him.We may have prayed a sinner's prayer- never considering He might want more than a confession. He might really want us- not just for us to bow low and profess our unworthiness but for us to move from there into His arms- embracing His worth as our own, His love as sincere.
Mine and Yancy's relationship was short-lived- no surprise. Those imaginary ones usually are. You can't sustain something as intimate as a relationship, be it with God or a spouse or even a child- where both are not fully invested in knowing the other and being known- with all our failures and inadequacies- bringing both what we have and what we lack to the table. Fortunately with God- He is fully invested and has everything we lack.