Muchness

The Mad Hatter to Alice.."There's something different about you..You were much more muchier before...you've lost your muchness."
I think that is true for most of us. Somewhere along the way we lost our muchness. Remember when you were little and you dreamed of what you would be and do when you were grown? And then life with it's disappointments and hurts and just its realities happened. And here we are.. except, we don't really know who we are anymore and all the things we dreamed seem so silly and preposterous.
I used to pretend I was a superhero- Wonder Woman, to be precise. Some girls dream of being a princess and maybe I did sometimes but most days the thought of cooking and cleaning up after 7 dwarves while I waited on some guy to find me was much less interesting than pretending to fly around in my invisible jet helping people in distress. Plus I loved spinning in circles until I was too dizzy to stand anymore. I don't actually recall Wonder Woman getting dizzy when she did her spin but, oh well, I guess she just missed out on that part.
I truly believed I was going to do something "superheroish" when I was grown. I have been a mom now for almost 18 years and I could not feel any less like a super hero. And if I take an honest look at my life I would say in many ways I lost my muchness. Not because I haven't done anything heroic yet but because I've stopped believing and imagining I can. The rare times that I let myself go there and think and wonder if I could ever still be that person, I feel silly and the idea seems preposterous.
But I wonder if living as if I'm not capable of incredible things- maybe that is really what is frivolous. Maybe that is what ends in a life that missed out on all the "super" things it was destined for- the things which God had intended and purposed before the foundation of the world. I mean, there is a good story in the making right there. I may need to start working on that spin again...